Sex After Baby: How to Re-Warm the Sheets After a Brief (or Lengthy) Cool-Down

Having sex after having a baby can be problematic even for the most regularly active couples. First of all, sex is out of the question for a minimum two weeks after birth, and at least six weeks is what most doctors recommend. However, even after six weeks, there could be factors that hinder couples from reuniting in the bedroom. The new little member of the family is usually the prime culprit. In the first month or two after the baby is born, he or she will probably wake up every two hours, at least. This can make it hard for mom and dad to find time to be alone.

There are also physical factors that could get in the way. If you have had an episiotomy or tearing, you will likely be tender for a while. Some women heal pretty fast, but others take a while.
Hormones are also working against you. Your body is “coming down” from being pregnant, so your estrogen levels are dropping. Your hormones my even have an effect on your man! You may pass these scent hormones
(pheromones) to your husband. This is why many men have a drop in libido (it could also just be sheer exhaustion at this point as well…) and a lot of guys report feeling a-sexual after their partner gives birth.

Then there is the psychological side of things. New moms almost always feel un-sexy. Their body has changed and it will take a while for everything to return back to normal. Dads may also be a bit scared about sex if they witnessed the birth.

This is why it is so important to wait until you are ready to have sex again. Giving your body time to recover and getting used to the new baby will allow you to have a good “first” experience, so that you can get back to letting things flow the way they normally would.

Here are a few tips that you can use to help bring the romance back after baby:

-         Be confident. Think sexy and you will BE sexy.

-         Communicate with your partner. Things have changed a bit down there so it is important to let him know what feels good and what doesn’t

-         Use a water based lubricant. Hormone changes can suppress your natural lubrication, so using a little lube can help things be more enjoyable (and less painful) for the both of you.

-         Schedule your time. This may seem unromantic, but when you have a baby that wakes up every couple of hours, it pays to agree on a set rendezvous time so that you can have it uninterrupted.  

-         Have a sense of humor. Be relaxed and have fun. At some point things are going to go wrong, the baby is going to wake up etc. Just laugh it off and try again another time.

-         If you are nursing, it is a good idea to feed the baby or pump your milk before sex. This prevents an unwanted leakage, which is actually quite common.

Whatever you do, don’t take things too seriously. Yes, it can be frustrating. But, remember that it is only a phase and when your child starts sleeping longer at night, and your body gets back to normal, things will return to how they were before. Meanwhile, make sure that you give each other lots of affection. Cuddling and kissing are good ways to keep the fires burning even when you have to slow things down a bit in the bedroom.

Stacey Cavalari holds a B.A in Literature and currently writes for Phoenix Kiosk, a kiosk manufacturer. She covers everything from     blood pressure kiosks to technology and education.  Phoenix Kiosk: Innovative Technologies from Vision to Reality.